Silvermask
by Kaori
Summary: The final scenes of the Bond movie run amok! I think it's a little anticlimatic but oh well...
1. Opening Credits and Scenes 1 through 11

As I mentioned in one of my fanfics (I think it was one of my Random Silliness sessions…), this is a James Bond parody. I've seen almost all of them (with the exceptions of Tomorrow Never Dies and Die Another Day), and the majority of the ones I have seen I've watched three times. I feel I have earned the right to mock Bond at this point.

Anyway, this is an Alternate Universe, movie parody fanfic (meaning it's in script format with screen directions and everything so if anybody ever feels like acting out this parody they can. Just tell me if you do.) There will be plenty of Out of Characterness (duh, this is me writing this after all) and the Fourth Wall will be blown to hell several times. If you've seen Woody Allen's "What's Up Tiger Lily" then you have a fairly decent idea of what to expect.

Disclaimer: Gundam Wing and James Bond belong to a bunch of companies that would love to sue my ass the microsecond I try to make m1y from this fanfic. Any random anime characters or songs that appear in this fanfic belong to their respective and numerous owners.

Key: **Items in bold label screen directions**

         _Items in italics are song lyrics and sound effects._

         **_Bold and italicized items are captions._**

**Int. Darkened room. – **Zechs is standing in front of a large map of the solar system. He is wearing his OZ uniform from the Gundam Wing series (mask and all).

Zechs: Soon… soon it shall all be mine! AHAHAHA!!! AHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAAAA!!

???: [off-camera] Mr. Peacecraft? The ninth graders are waiting for you in the music room.

Zechs: Crap…

**Opening credits.**  – Flying view over a busy city. Camera occasionally stops on women's butts. 

Kaori: You guys cut that out!!

Bantaro: Why should we? This is the way the unrefined are supposed to behave!

Kaori: How would you like to be unrefined in traction???!!!

Bantaro: meep!

SILVERMASK 

_There's a man who leads a life of danger._

Starring: Heero Yuy 

**_                 Milliardo Peacecraft_**

**_               Relena Peacecraft_**

**_               Dorothy Catolonia_**

**_               Duo Maxwell_**

**_               Trowa Barton_**

**_               Quatre R. Winner_**

**_              Chang Wufei_**

**_             …and a bunch of other people. ^_^_**

****

  
To everyone he meets he stays a stranger  
With every move he makes,   
Another chance he takes.   
Odds are he won't live to see tomorrow.

**Directed by: Kaori**

**Assistant Directors: Ayamachi and Machigai**

_Secret Agent Man.   
Secret Agent Man. _

**_Cameramen: Bantaro, Ozaru, Kozaru, Shiro, Koinosuke, and Hajime_**

****

_  
They've given you a number.   
And taken away your name._

Produced by: Quatre R. Winner 

Music Director: Priss 

_  
  
Beware of pretty faces that you find.   
A pretty face may hide an evil mind. _

Heero: Especially if you're talking about fanfic authors.

Kaori: I'll take that as a compliment.

Ruri: Baka, we'll have to re-dub this entire section now because of all the over voicing.

Kaori: No let's leave it as it is, the audience will get a kick out of it.

_  
Ooh be careful what you say.  
Or you give yourself away.   
Odds are you won't live to see tomorrow._

**_Stunt/Fight Coordinators: Ranma Saotome,  Yusuke Urameshi, and Elle Ragu_**

****

**_Pyrotechnics: Dilandau, Lina Inverse, Duo Maxwell, and Tasuki_**

****

****

_Secret Agent Man. _

Dilandau: MOERO!!!!!

Kaori: Not yet!!! The credits are still rolling for chrissakes!

_  
Secret Agent Man.  
They've given you a number.  
And taken away your name._

Other Special Effects: The Great Will of the Macrocosm AKA Will-chan 

****

**_Costumes: The Furinkan High School Drama Club_**

_  
  
Swinging on the Riviera one day  
Layin' in a Bombay alley the next.  
Oh don't let the wrong word slip.  
While kissin persuasive lips._

**_Audio and Sound Effects: Ruri Hoshino and Omoikane_**

****

**_Catering by: Sasami and the Haomei Girls_**

_Odds are you won't live to see tomorrow._

_Secret Agent Man.  
Secret Agent Man._

Written by: Kaori 

  
They've given you a number.  
And taken away your name.

**Scene 1. Interior Interpol (or what appears to be Interpol) HQ** – Slow pan up the building and zoom into the fourth floor window. Pan around to show Lady Une sitting behind her desk playing with an etch-a-sketch. The intercom buzzes and she jumps.

Lady Une: [presses a button] What is it?

???: Sorry to interrupt you, ma'am. Agent Double O 1 is here to see you.

Lady Une: [looks at her desk clock] He's early, tell him to find something to do for the next forty-five minutes.

???: I'll try….

Lady Une: Don't try, do it! [goes back to playing with the etch-a-sketch]

Heero: [kicks in the door to Une's office]

Lady Une: [jumps. The etch-a-sketch goes flying out the window.] 

Heero: [poses in the door] Yuy, Heero Yuy.

Duo: [pops out of the file cabinet] Wouldn't it be more correct to announce yourself as Yuy Heero?

Heero: [Death Glare] You're not even in this scene! Go away!

Duo: [disappears into the file cabinet]

Lady Une: [annoyed] I thought I told you to come back later, Double O 1!!

Heero: And deprive the fangirls of watching me make an entrance? I don't think so.

Lady Une: Your egotism is astounding… [straitens her blouse]  Well since you are here, I may as well give you your mission. [stands up and walks over to the bookcase. She pulls a book out from the second shelf. Nothing happens. She pulls out another book. Still nothing happens. Heero reaches over and pulls out a book. The bookcase slides open. Une glares at him.] I hate you…

Heero: [smirks] Hn.

Une and Heero walk into the passageway, and the bookcase closes behind them.

**Scene 2. Interior. ** **Your typical secret laboratory inside the government-owned building.** - Camera pans around the room for ten seconds so we can see the extras milling around. Nuriko and Miaka spot the camera and wave at it stupidly; Tamahome bops them both upside the head for breaking character. Camera continues to pan and then stops on a metallic door. Door opens, Une and Heero step out.

Une: [disgusted] Must you always moon the cameras in the elevator?

Heero: You know you like it.

Une: …Whatever.

Heero: Deny it all you want, you know my ass is sexy!

Une: Do you want to hear the mission details or not?

Heero: Fine, fine. What is it this time?

Une: [evil grin] Ask me properly.

Heero: [sighs] What is my mission, oh great and powerful purveyor of my paychecks and sexy assistants?

Une: Glad you asked Double O 1! Nichol! Tell him what today's mission is!

Nichol (disembodied, cheesy, game show host's sidekick impression): Today, Agent Double O 1 will try to stop the evil Silvermask's diabolical world domination plot and rescue the kidnapped scientists!

Heero: Again? Are the scientists sexy at least?

Nichol: They're a bunch of freaky-looking old men. 

Heero: Screw that! I'm not doing it.

Nichol: [sing-song] You get to blow up a lot of stu-uufff!

Heero: ….how much stuff?

Nichol: The sky's the limit.

Heero: Okay, I'll do it.

Canned applause.

Une: Excellent. Let's go see Q and get you equipped.

Une and Heero walk over to another section of the lab where Quatre is fiddling with something. Quatre is wearing a light pink lab coat; infer from this what you will, the director doesn't care….but apparently the producer does, so his lab coat is airbrushed white using the magic of computer graphics technology. Everyone in the theater who notices the change is to be shot.

Quatre: Hello Agent Double O 1.

Heero: What have you got for me this time, Q?

Quatre: For this mission we will be equipping you with the standard multi-function watch, laser pen, laser cufflinks, and Swiss army knife as well as a few special goodies.

Heero: [hopefully] Pixie Stix?

Quatre:…no.

Heero: Damn.

Quatre: Don't look like that. You get paid a ridiculous amount of money, you don't need us to give you candy.

Heero: Are you kidding? Do you have any idea what it amounts to after taxes?

Quatre: Hmm…I suppose you have a point there…

Une: Q, Double O 1, this is not the time.

Quatre: You're right. [turns and picks up what looks like Heero's usual gun] This may look like an ordinary gun, but when you press the little button behind the hammer… [turns and aims at one of the extras. Flames erupt from the gun and fry the extra]

Extra: AAGH! Fire! Fire! Fire! [runs around in circles]

Quatre: As you can see, it turns into a very powerful flamethrower.

Heero: Or one hell of a cigarette lighter.

Quatre: Mmmm, quite. The flamethrower option can only be used three times before it has to be refueled, so use it wisely. Then there's this little number…[turns around and pulls up a slinky dress]

Heero: Ooooh no! No cross dressing! You might be able to get Double O 2 into it, but not me! Keep your sick fantasies to yourself!

Quatre: Now see here Double O 1… 

Heero: I don't care what you say, I'm not going to wear that dress!

Quatre: You don't have to wear it baka, it's part of your mission! [under his breath]Besides, it wouldn't fit you anyway… [louder] You are to deliver it to your contact so that she knows it's you. She runs a dry cleaning service as a front so that she can give information to agents in the area. When you give her the dress say, "I also came to pick this up." And show her this. [hold up what looks like a laundry ticket]  She'll give you the information you'll need. Clear?

Heero: Crystal. 

Quatre: Good man. Best of luck to you Double O 1.

**Scene 3. Exterior. Day. Non-descript public high school** – Zechs (mask-less and wearing rather ordinary clothing) is walking towards the gymnasium. Akito Tenkawa, wearing baggy jeans and a rugby shirt, comes running up to him.

Akito: Mr. Peacecraft, there's a blonde lady in a pink cat suit waiting for you in the parking lot. She says it's very important.

Zechs: Thank you. [gets a pained expression on his face] What the hell is that girl thinking…

Scene switch to the parking lot, where Relena is leaning against a Corvette. She is indeed wearing a pink cat suit with matching go-go boots. Students and faculty passing by look at her with varying expressions. Zechs appears on the scene looking very annoyed.

Zechs: Relena, what are you doing here wearing that getup.

Relena: What? Don't you like it?

Zechs: No I don't, but that isn't the point. You're making yourself very conspicuous.

Relena: Hmph. And here I come all this way to deliver this progress report [holds up a small white envelope and waves it around] about Project…

Zechs: Give me that! [snatches the envelope out of her hand] Now go back to the base and wait.

Relena: Fine then! [pouts and flounces off]

Zechs: Why do I even keep her around?

**Dream Sequence. AKA Zechs' Wild Imagination** – Close up on Zechs' eyes as the very badly-drawn dream sequence begins.  We see a Super Deformed Zechs sitting on a dais. An SD Heero jumps onto the scene holding a gun.

SD Heero: [word bubble] Omae wo korosu, Silvermask!

SD Zechs: [word bubble] Oh no! [reaches behind the dais, pulls up SD Relena and throws her at him]

SD Relena: [you get the idea by now] HEERRROOOO!!! *glomp*

 SD Heero: Gack!! Can't… breathe…..[turns blue and passes out]

SD Zechs: Bwuahahaha!!! [whips out a gun and shoots both SD Heero and Relena]

**End Dream Sequence**

Zechs: Ah yes… that's why…. But couldn't I at least have gotten a dream sequence that didn't look like it was drawn by a six-year old?

Kaori: [off camera] I RESENT THAT!! I DO NOT DRAW LIKE A SIX-YEAR OLD!!! 

Zechs: Do to.

Kaori: DO NOT!!!

Zechs: Do to.

Kaori: DO NOT!!

Ruri: Baka.

Kaori and Zechs: You stay out of this!!!!!

Ruri: …

Quatre: HEY! I'm not funding this project so that you guys can act immature!

**Scene 4. AKA Abrupt scene change to hide the people fixing the Fourth Wall. Exterior. Day. Non-descript dry cleaning place.** – Heero is standing outside awkwardly holding the dress. Seeming to decide that standing around like an idiot isn't going to help matters, he walks in. Hilde is standing behind the counter watching a mini TV.

Heero: Excuse me…[holds up the dress] I need to have this cleaned.

Hilde: Eh? [looks up at Heero] That dress doesn't really suit you. You don't look like the spaghetti-strap type;  I see you more in something off the shoulder and less form-fitting.

Heero:*twitch*  It's not mine. I'm just bringing it in for someone.

Hilde: Oh. [takes the dress from him, puts it on the automated rack, and moves over to the cash register] What's the person's name?

Heero: Anne Une.

Hilde: [writing that down on a laundry ticket] Okay, here ya go. [hands it to him] Anything else?

Heero: I also came to pick this up. [hands her the laundry ticket that Quatre gave him]

Hilde: [inspects the ticket] Ah yes, what you want is in the back. Wait here for a moment. [disappears into a side door]

Heero: Hn…[drums his fingers on the counter]

Hilde: [returns with a tuxedo] Here ya go, all cleaned up. [she looks Heero directly in the eye] I even got the stain out of the _handkerchief_ in the breast pocket. Nasty business that.

Heero: [conspiratorial look] I understand.

Hilde: Good. Shall I bill this directly to the account?

Heero: If you wouldn't mind.

Hilde: Fine then. See you again.

Heero: [nods and leaves as another person comes rushing in carrying a white dress]

Random DBZ Extra: [frantically to Hilde] You've gotta help me!! I spilled red wine all over this dress! It's not even mine! I…borrowed it from my roommate! She'll kill me if she finds out I ruined it!

Hilde: Calm down. Let's have a look at that dress and I'll see what I can do.

RDE: Oh thank you!

**Scene 5. Interior. Secret Headquarters of the Evil Organization.** – Relena (still in the pink cat suit) is standing in front of a mirror trying to look at her butt. Dorothy (in a regular black cat suit) is sitting in a chair, filing her nails.

Relena: Does this cat suit make me look fat?

Dorothy: No. You make you look fat.

Relena: You're so mean!!

Dorothy: Yeah well you don't get to be the top henchperson by just sitting around looking pretty. You've got to be ruthless if you're going to make it in this business.

Relena: What are you implying?

Dorothy: Absolutely nothing at all.

Zechs: (walks in, Birdman-esque mask in place) Ladies, I trust you aren't about to start one of your petty little arguments are you?

Dorothy: Of course not, Silvermask sir.

Relena: [rolls her eyes]

Zechs: Good. Now give me a status report.

Dorothy: Certainly, sir.

Relena: *cough*Ass kisser*cough*

Dorothy: [glares at Relena] As we speak, the scientists are in the process of completing the firing mechanism. Once that is complete, we can move on to Phase Two of Project…

Relena: Wait! What about the gyroscopic thermonuclear coil?

Zechs: What about it?

Relena: We still haven't been able to obtain it. The cannon will not be complete without it.

Zechs: Well that is certainly inconvenient. Dorothy, I thought you were handling that?

Dorothy: I am. I've already dispatched our agents to the military base at point Yankee November Oscar Tango 46882. We should have the coil in a week's time. In the meantime, I suggest that we begin preparations for the cannon to be launched into geo-synchronous orbit around the Earth.

Zechs: Yes, that would be prudent. We can't afford to wait. See to it, Dorothy.

Relena: [whining] What am I supposed to do??

Zechs: You can……watch the monitors and make sure that the scientists don't try anything funny.

Relena: [somewhat placated] And what if they do?

Zechs: Then feel free to do what you please to them. We have enough information to finish the cannon without their assistance.

Dorothy: Then why are we keeping them around?

Zechs: Because the script and the Villains Handbook say we have to. [there's a loud crashing noise] And there goes the Fourth Wall…..

**Scene 6. Exterior. Night. Hotel Pizzicato. **– Heero gets out of a taxi and a bellboy (Yoshiki Yaegashi) takes his bags. He walks inside and we get a nice shot of the swanky lobby. Several guests are milling about, talking, heading for the bar etc. Heero checks in and is shown to his room.

Yoshiki: Here you are sir, do you need anything else?

Heero: No, that will be all. Thank you. [tips him]

Yoshiki: My pleasure, sir. If you do need anything later feel free to call room service. Enjoy your stay. [leaves]

Heero: Hn. [turns on the TV, goes over to one of his suitcases and takes out the tuxedo] Now, let's see what we've got here. [takes the handkerchief out of the breast pocket and a mini CD falls out] This better not be another Rocky movie or somebody's gonna die. [places the disk inside a high-tech looking player a two inch hologram of Lady Une appears]

Holo-Une: Greetings Agent Double O 1, if you are indeed the one viewing this message. Thank you for dropping off my laundry.

Heero: THE HELL??!!!

Holo-Une: No doubt, you are very angry that I basically took advantage of the situation and made you take in my dry cleaning, but I don't care. I'm your boss and I can do what I want. I could have just given you a tuxedo when I briefed you at headquarters as well, but this movie needs to be two and a half hours long…

Kaori: [off-camera] STICK TO THE SCRIPT DAMMIT!!!!! [a holographic brick hits holographic Une]

Holo-Une: OW!!! GODDAMMMIT!!! I mean… Er….I figured that it would be much more interesting if you had to work to find them. There's a casino downstairs in the lobby and Agent Double O 3 is somewhere in the high rollers' section. Your job is to put on the tuxedo, go down into the casino, and find Double O 3 who will give you the details of this mission. Good luck. [the device shuts off]

Heero: This must be her revenge for the tarantula in her dress at the Christmas Ball.[annoyed sigh] Might as well get on with it. Who knows, I may be able to pick up some extra cash…[device unexpectedly turns back on]

Holo-Une: NO GAMBLING!!! [device shuts back off]

Heero: O_o

**Scene 7. Interior. Casino** – The production crew, in a daring theft and total disregard for copyright, stole footage from the movie Casino and some of the props from the casino scene in Dr. No. At any rate, Heero wanders through the crowd (dressed in the tuxedo and those ugly yellow shoes that he wore in GW) in search of Agent Double O 3. Of course, he has had some fun during the search…

Heero: [carrying a bucket of casino chips] Screw Une, I'm gonna make myself some cash…

Anzu [dealing cards at the Blackjack table]: Place your bets, ladies and gents! Place your bets! Come on you people!! How do you expect me to get paid if you won't play at my table? [suddenly spots Heero] You! Get over here and gamble!! [grabs him and shoves him in a chair]

Heero: What the…

Trowa: [walks behind Anzu and puts his hand on her shoulder] I'll take it from here.

Anzu: What!! No way! I saw him first!

Trowa: Your shifts over, get lost.

Anzu: DAMMIT!!! [storms off]

Trowa: [bemusedly watches her walk off then looks at Heero] Agent Double O 1. It's a pleasure to finally meet you.

Heero: You're Double O 3?

Trowa: Precisely. [deals the cards] Here's the thing. If you want to get the mission details you're going to have to win a round of Blackjack. Up to it?

Heero: [steely eyes] Let's go. [antes up]

**Scene 8. Interior. Military Base.** – People in ninja suits skulk in the corridors looking for something.

Ninja #1: We've been all over this stinking place and we _still_ haven't found the gyroscopic thermonuclear coil.

Ninja #2: Do you think we're in the right military base?

Ninja #3: Hmm… Let's ask somebody. [walk over to the security kiosk and stands behind the security guard (played by Mueller).] Excuse me, but is this the base at Yankee November Oscar Tango 46882?

Mueller: [watching TV and doesn't realize who he's talking to] No. This is the base at Yankee November Oscar Tango _3_6882. You're a whole continent off.

Ninjas 1 –3: CRAP!!

Mueller: [slowly turns around] But wait, why wouldn't you know… HOLY CRAP!! NINJAS!!

Ninja #2: [kills Mueller with a ninja-to]

Mueller: Not again…[dies]

Ninja #1: This is the sixth base we've been to. I told you we shouldn't have gotten directions from that dude from the mental hospital. I'm tired, what say we call it a night?

Ninjas 2&3: 'kay.

**Scene 10. Interior. Casino.** – Heero is glaring at Trowa who has managed to win all of Heero's chips.

Heero: You cheated.

Trowa: Duh. Didn't Une tell you not to gamble? Besides, what are you whining about? I let you win the last hand, didn't I?

Heero: That was only after you won all of my chips!

Trowa: Do you want the mission details or not?

Heero: Not particularly, but if I don't finish this job I don't get paid.

Trowa: Well, the thing is… I don't have it.

Heero: WHAT??!!!!

Trowa: Sshh!! Let me finish. I don't have it, but it's hidden nearby.

Heero: Where?

Trowa: [looks left, looks right] Now where the heck is that microfilm…

Heero: [sweatdrop]

Trowa: Oh yeah, now I remember! The microfilm with the mission details is hidden inside the out-of-order slot machine I've hidden in the boiler room.

Heero: Why must you people needlessly complicate everything?

Trowa: This is the spy business. If it weren't complicated everybody would be doing it.

**Scene 11. Interior. Secret Headquarters of the Evil Organization.** – Zechs is lounging in an overstuffed arm chair behind a ridiculously large desk. What appears to be a large window is behind him. Dorothy walks in followed by Relena.

Dorothy: You called for us, sir?

Zechs: Yes. Why is it taking so long to procure the gyroscopic thermonuclear coil?

Dorothy: Well sir, it appears that the previous information concerning the coil's location was incorrect, or rather, it was outdated. The coil had been moved from Yankee November Oscar Tango 46882 two weeks prior to our receiving the message from our spy network.

Zechs: I _knew_ I shouldn't have used carrier pigeons… Whose idea was that anyway??

Relena: [blinks as Zechs and Dorothy glare at her] What?! Carrier pigeons are cute!

Zechs and Dorothy: [annoyed sigh]

Dorothy: Fortunately I was able to get some reliable correspondence by hacking into the military database.

Relena: [muttering] Showoff…Just because _she_ got a degree in computer science…

Dorothy: [doesn't hear her] Our agents are now heading towards point Oscar Hotel Echo Lima Lima 38463.

Relena: Would you stop with the stupid codenames and tell us where and what that is?

Dorothy: [sighs, takes out a remote control and points it at the window (now revealed to be a large monitor). A map of space appears and zooms in on a colony.] The base where the coil is being kept is on Colony L3-X27933; we will be dispatching our agents as soon as conditions are favorable.

Zechs: Good. Now what about the scientists.

Relena: The last time I saw them they were checking the computer's targeting system.

Zechs: How long ago was this?

Relena: Two and a half scenes ago. [there's a cracking noise] Whoops…

Zechs: All this damage to the Fourth Wall is really going to cost us.

Dorothy: Eh, Quatre can pay for it.

The camera pans so that the three villains are to the right of the screen. We see a shadowy figure slip past the door.

A/N: Because this thing is already twelve pages long, I'm going to stop it here and continue the script in another chapter.


	2. Scenes 12 through 21

This picks up where the last chapter left off.

**Scene 12. Interior. Secret Headquarters of the Evil Organization.** – Dorothy and Relena are playing cards at the conference table.

Relena: Got any sixes?

Dorothy: Go fish. [Mueller runs in looking frantic] Didn't you just die four scenes ago? [Fourth Wall shatters] Whoops….

Kaori: [off-camera] STOP POINTING OUT THE PLOT HOLES!!!!

Mueller: [doesn't break character] Ma'am! Our security has been compromised!

Dorothy: Explain!

Mueller: The microfilm containing the design specs for Project Deep-Fat-Fryer has been stolen. Our intelligence reports that it was the work of an Interpol agent!

Dorothy: Where is the microfilm now?

Mueller: Our spies have tracked it to the Pizzicato Hotel. [hushed tone] Ma'am, the notorious Agent Double O 1 has been spotted at that hotel.

Dorothy: [annoyed] Well what are you waiting for fool! Dispatch some assassins to get it back!

Mueller: Yes ma'am! [rushes off]

Relena: [smug] If _I_ had been in charge of security this wouldn't have happened.

Dorothy: You _are_ in charge of security, nitwit.

Relena: ….Oh yeah….

**Scene 13. Exterior. Mid-Afternoon. Highway. **– Heero is driving ridiculously fast along the road being pursued by a highway patrol officer, Leona Ozaki. He is laughing like the deranged lunatic he is.

Leona: PULL OVER!!!

Heero: [mobster impression] YOU'LL NEVER GET ME COPPER!! I'M NOT PULLING OVER, SEE??!! MNYAH, SEE!!! MNYAH!!!! [there is a beeping noise and a panel opens up under the car's CD player. It's your standard video-communication device. Une's image appears on the screen] What?

Une: Don't answer the video-com that way, it's rude. Have you reviewed the data on the microfilm yet?

Heero: If I say I did, will you leave me alone?

Une: [Death Glare] No you lazy bastard!

Heero: Damn… Can't you call back later? I'm having fun with the highway patrol.

Une: The fate of the world is hanging in the balance and you're out joyriding??!!!

Heero: [shifty eyed look]…Yeaaahhh….

Une: GO LOOK AT THAT MICROFILM BEFORE I HAVE Q USE THE MILITARY SATELLITES TO BLOW YOUR BONY BEHIND TO KINGDOM COME!!!!

Heero: All right… all right….geez… [turns off the video-comm]

Leona: PULL OVER YOU SON OF A BITCH!!!

Heero: SORRY!! BUT I CAN'T PLAY WITH YOU ANYMORE! MY BOSS JUST CALLED TO TELL ME TO GET BACK TO WORK!! [flips a switch on the dashboard and the car transforms into a jet/car] LATER!!! [flies away]

Leona: YOU LITTLE BASTARD!!! COME BACK HERE!!! [waves her fist impotently at the retreating aircraft]

**Scene 14. Interior. Stairwell in the Pizzicato Hotel. **– A shadowy figure is making its way furtively up the staircase.

???: [off-camera, all we see is a silhouette] Dammit, why can't I use the elevator instead of going up nineteen flights of stairs?

Kaori: [off-camera] One, nobody's supposed to know you're in the building; two, it's for the sake of the plot; three, it's not time for another elevator scene yet. 

**Scene 15.  Interior. Heero's Room at the Pizzicato.** – Heero is rummaging through his luggage looking for the microfilm.

Heero: [tossing shirts and other articles of clothing all over the room] Where the hell did I put it??? Ah ha!! [holds up the microfilm in triumph] Now all I have to do is get to a microfilm reader. There should be one in the public library or a nearby university. [annoyed sigh] This is getting to be a very annoying mission. I haven't even gotten to blow anything up!

_Knock. Knock. Knock._

Heero: [walks over to the door which, for no reason other than plot contrivance, has no peephole]Yes?

???: Room service!

Heero: [frown] I didn't order anything. 

???: I mean…Housekeeping! I've come to turn the bed down!

Heero: It's the middle of the afternoon.

???: Strip-O-Gram!

Heero: How stupid do you think I am?

???: Just open the door, dammit! You're holding up the movie!

Heero: [reluctantly opens the door and is immediately attacked by Hibiki Ryouga] WHAT THE….

Ryouga: RANMA! PREPARE TO DIE!!!

Kaori: [off-camera] That's not the line!

Ryouga: Err…I mean…DIE AGENT DOUBLE O 1!!! [punches]

Heero: [blocking] Geez…could you yell a little louder? I don't think the people on L1 colony cluster heard you.

Ryouga: Where is the microfilm??!!! [throws in a couple of kicks]

Heero:  None of your business!! [counters the kicks with a few kicks of his own followed by rapid punches] Who sent you?!

Ryouga: Why do you care? You'll soon be dead!

Heero: [glares at him and jumps out the window]

Ryouga: DAMN IT ALL!! WHY DO THEY ALWAYS DO THAT??!

Heero: [rapidly falling down the side of the building] Oh shit… I'm gonna die!! [is suddenly caught by a guy with a jetpack] Where the hell did you come from?

Jetpack Dude: Well how else would the storyline continue? [Fourth Wall cracks]

Heero: Do ya ALWAYS have to crack the wall?!

Jetpack Dude: Why do you always whine about it?

Heero: What is this, Whose Line Is It Anyway? (1)

Kaori: Enough already! You're starting to drive me nuts!!

Heero and Jetpack Dude: Gomen ne.

**Scene 16. Interior. Secret Headquarters of the Evil Organization.**  – Zechs, Dorothy, and Relena are looking at the giant view screen. Ryouga's image is currently occupying it.

Dorothy: What do you mean he got away??!!!

Ryouga: You know. Escaped, flew the coop, gave me the slip…

Dorothy: That was a rhetorical question you ass!

Zechs: This is most unfortunate. Relena, sine you're people are responsible for this mess, you go after Agent Double O 1. 

Relena: My pleasure!! [rushes off]

Dorothy: [looks at Zechs askance] Was that wise?

Zechs: No, but it's better than letting her mess things up even more around here.

Dorothy: Ah.

**Scene 17.  Back at Heero's Hotel Room. **– Ryouga is just about to leave.

Ryouga: I guess I'd better go help Relena track down Double O 1. God knows what a useless git she is. [sound of a gun with a silencer attached going off] Gack! [dies]

???: Damn, he must have left already. I have to find that guy so I can update him on the situation…

**Scene 18.** **Exterior. Late Afternoon. Voi Bastardi University Library.** – Heero falls from five stories up and lands on the steps of the library.

Heero: Argh! Jesus! My ankles!! (2)

Jetpack Dude: [off camera] Sorry!

Heero: [looks up and shakes his fist at Jetpack Dude before going inside]

Scene switch to the inside of the library. Students (basically random students from Furinkan and Domino High) are milling about. The librarian, Washu, is at the main desk along with Yume (her longtime rival ) and Ms. Inez (who graciously took time away from the Nedesico to play this part). 

Washu, Inez, Yume: Double, double, bricks and rubble

                                    Blow this place up and you're in trouble!

Heero: I'll be sure to keep that in mind. Can you direct me to the microfilm room?

Washu: Microfilm? How archaic! Can I see it?

Heero: No.

Washu: Pleeaasse?

Heero: I said no.

Washu: [pouts] Well then, will you at least be my guinea pig?

Heero: Are you on some sort of medication?

Washu: How dare you! I am Washu! The greatest scientific genius in all the universe! I have accomplished more in the scientific discipline than anyone! I have been witness to some of the most amazing…[continues to rant]

Heero: [sweatdrop]

Yume: Haven't the people on this planet developed  info-gems yet?

Inez: I'm afraid that sort of technology is beyond the scope of this timeframe. You see…

Heero: [interrupts] The microfilm room?

Inez: Third floor, seventh door in the second corridor. [goes back to explaining stuff to Yume who just pretends to listen]

Heero: Weirdos…[heads for the elevator]

Scene switches back to the outside of the library, where a familiar-looking shadow looms ominously at the door. The first shadow is then joined by more shadows.

???: Move you idiots! You're in my light!

???: Sorry. [other shadows go away]

**Scene 19. Interior. Microfilm Room at Voi Bastardi University Library.** – Heero is sitting in front of the microfilm reader.

Heero: What the hell is this? I don't know how to read blueprints! Stupid Une!!

???: OHOHOHOHO!! Well since you have no need of it, how about you give it back to us!!

Heero: [whirls around to spot Relena and a bunch of ninjas] Relena….

Relena: Hello Heero, darling! Did you miss me?

Heero: Of course not. Nobody misses fleas when they go away.

Relena: [crocodile tears] How cruel you are to me!

Heero: What do you want, Relena?

Relena: I told you, I want the microfilm!

Heero: Sorry, you can't have it! [whips out the flamethrower gun and pulls the trigger]

Relena: [drops to the floor and half of the ninjas are barbecued and the room catches fire]

Heero: [sees his opportunity and runs out the door]

Relena: [to the remaining ninjas] Don't just stand there! Go after him!

**Scene 20. Interior. Third Floor. Voi Bastardi University Library. **– Heero is running through the bookshelves with the ninjas hot on his heels.

Heero: This just gets stupider and stupider!!

Ninja #1: Just you wait! Things haven't even begun to get stupid yet!

As if to prove his point, Ranma and Mousse dance by followed by Jounouchi and Honda.

Heero: [massive sweatdrop and looks at his gun] I don't want to risk setting the rest of the library on fire. I'm already liable for enough damages as it is and I happen to like my paycheck.

Ninja #4: Surrender the microfilm!!

Heero: Screw you!!

Library patrons: SSSSHHHHH!!!!

Eventually, the ninjas corner Heero.

Ninja #15: It's over!

Ninja #12: Just hand over the microfilm and we'll kill you quickly.

Ninja #4: Give us trouble and we'll kill you slowly and painfully before prying the microfilm out of your cold, dead fingers.

Heero: [considers jumping out the window again]

_CRASH_  Duo swings through the window on a cable and lands in front of Heero.

Duo: You're the ones that are going to die you clowns! [shoots them with a revolver]

Trowa: [off-camera] HEY!!!

Wufei jumps through the broken window, lands next to Duo, and picks off the ninjas that Duo missed.

Wufei: [over his shouler] Are you all right, Double O 1?

Heero: Yeah.

Duo: ^_^ Good, then you can pay for the window!

Heero: _ HELL NO!!!

Library patrons: SSSSHHHHH!!!!!

**Scene 21. Night. A sports car on the highway.** – The three agents are on their way to a hotel in the next city. Wufei is driving, Duo is riding shotgun, and Heero is in the back seat.

Duo: Sorry we couldn't go back for your stuff, Heero but you know how it is. Besides, I'm sure we can get Trowa to send it to you later.

Heero: I hope so. My favorite shirt is back there. How'd you know where to find me anyway?

Duo: Well, considering I'm the one that stole the microfilm in the first place and Une assigned you to this mission, it should follow that I would know how to find you later. Besides, Voi Bastardi has the only microfilm reader in the city.

Heero: ….talk about plot contrivance. [Fourth Wall cracks] Whoops. 

Wufei: Enough about that. It's time you were updated on the situation.

Heero: Go on.

Wufei: Duo was assigned to infiltrate and spy on The Evil Organization…

Heero: Woah, woah, woah! Wait a minute, you mean they're actually called The Evil Organization?!

Wufei: Yes.

Heero: Man, the script writer sure is lazy… [loud shattering noise]

Kaori: [off-camera] I TAKE OFFENSE TO THAT!! AND QUIT ALLUDING TO THE FOURTH WALL WHILE WE'RE TRYING TO FIX IT!!! [what was left of the repaired Fourth Wall shatters] AAAGHH!!!! [Kaori can be heard ranting through the rest of the scene]

Duo: Anyway…. I found the plans for the space cannon they're constructing…

Heero: Oh, is that what that stupid thing is?

Duo: Yes, now quit interrupting! Anyway, a while after you received the microfilm I discovered that they can't complete the cannon until they obtain a gyroscopic thermonuclear coil and the only one that isn't currently being used to light up Las Vegas is at a base on Colony L3-X27933.

Heero: So why don't they have it yet?

Duo: I'd been feeding them false information while at their headquarters; mostly by whispering in Relena's ear while she stood next to the ventilation system while she gave orders to the spies. Unfortunately, after so many failures, Dorothy took over issuing orders and that bitch only listens to Silvermask.

Wufei: As we speak, Dorothy's agents are heading for L3-X27933.

Heero: Is anything being done to stop them.

Wufei: We're telling you aren't we?

Heero: What am I supposed to do??!! There's no way I can get to the colony before Dorothy's agents do!

Duo: That's why we're going to head straight for the base and stop Silvermask before he has the chance to finish the space cannon.

Heero: In other words, we're going to blow stuff up.

Duo and Wufei: Exactly.

Heero: Finally!!! I just have on question, though.

Duo: What?

Heero: What was Wufei doing?

Wufei: [smirk] Keeping the engine warm.

This looks like a good place to stop, don't you think? Fwuahahaha!! Cliffhanger!

1) The Jetpack Dude Exchange was from Nayru Moon, who was a great help whilst I was stuck in that scene.

2) If you've ever fallen a long distance and landed on your feet then you know what this feels like.


	3. Scenes 22 35 and the Ending Credits

And now the final installment! Again this chapter picks up where the last one left off.

**Scene 22. The following night. Interior. Space Battleship of The Evil Organization. **– Zechs is sitting in a huge chair on the bridge with Dorothy standing to his right, and Relena sitting at a console. If you look really carefully, Relena's console is nothing more than a Simon and a Leap Pad soldered into a table. Silvermask's minions are doing stuff at their consoles.

_Star Trekkin', across the universe_

_On the Starship Enterprise, under Captain Kirk._

_Star Trekkin', across the universe, _

_Boldly going forward, 'cause we can't find reverse._

Zechs: Turn that off! [music stops] What's our ETA to the colony?

Minion: Four hours, sir.

Zechs: In that case I'm going to take a nap. I don't have any lines for a while anyway. Dorothy, you have the bridge. [gets up and leaves]

Dorothy: Aye, sir. Enjoy your nap.

Relena: [crosses her arms across her chest and pouts] I still don't see why we had to move our operation to this battleship.

Dorothy: [annoyed sigh] Just go with it. Everything will make sense later when we have to do the obligatory "Villain's Exposition."

Relena: Shouldn't the Fourth Wall have cracked by now?

Dorothy: In space, nobody can hear the Fourth Wall breaking.

Relena: Oh. [pause] I have to go to the bathroom.

Dorothy: Why didn't you go before we left?!

Relena: I forgot, okay?!

Dorothy: Well you can't leave the bridge until your brother comes back.

Relena: Why not?

Dorothy: It's the rules. If you needed to go, what you should have done is excused yourself while he was still here.

Relena: Just how long am I going to have to hold it?!

Dorothy: Two scenes I think…

Relena: Fuck!!

Everyone else: O_O

**Scene 23. The same night. Military Interior. Base on Colony L3-X27933. ** – Dorothy's agents (a couple of girls from the Saint Hebereke Jogakuin Rhythmic Gymnastic Team) are skulking around the base in their leotards and skirts. Occasionally, one of them will giggle vapidly. They slip by the guards (played by the male students of Furinkan High School) unnoticed and come upon a room guarded by Ginkan and Sora.

Girl #1 and #2: [snag Ginkan and Sora with ribbons]

Girl #3 and #4: [knock them unconscious with clubs]

They all giggle vapidly, take the security card off of Ginkan and enter the room. In the center, glowing self-importantly on a pedestal, is a metallic object. Feeling no need to be sneaky, Girl #3 snags the object with her ribbon. The alarm blares and guards rush in.

Girl #2: How predictable…

The girls get into martial arts stances and a jerky, dragon style Kung-fu fight ensues.

**Scene 24. Still the same night. Interior. Space shuttle en route to Colony L3-X27933.** – Duo, Heero, and Wufei are being flown there by Zelgadis.

Heero: Are we there yet?

Zelgadis: …No.

Wufei: Are we there yet?

Zelgadis: No.

Duo: Are we there yet?

Zelgadis: No!

Heero, Duo, Wufei: Are we there yet?

Zelgadis: No!

Heero, Duo, Wufei: Are we there yet?

Zelgadis: No!

Heero, Duo, Wufei: Are we there yet?

Zelgadis: No!

Heero, Duo, Wufei: Do you have any brain cells left?

Zelgadis: NO! [pause] Wait a minute…

Heero, Duo, Wufei: [snicker]

**Scene 25.  A little later into the night. Interior. Space Battleship of The Evil Organization. **– Zechs has reappeared on the bridge looking completely refreshed (as much as you can tell with that stupid mask on anyway).

Dorothy: We're outside the colony now sir. My agents reported in an hour ago to say that they were on their way with the gyroscopic thermonuclear coil.

Zechs: Excellent. Have the scientists ready to install it once it arrives.

Dorothy: As you wish.

Relena: Can I go to the bathroom now?!

Zechs and Dorothy: -_-* …yes…

**Scene 26. Interior. Space Shuttle belonging to The Evil Organization. **– Duo, Heero, and Wufei have commandeered the shuttle and subdued Dorothy's agents.

Heero: How exactly did we manage to intercept the evil agents just as they entered the shuttle port. And how exactly did they get out of the military base in the first place? [the director's megaphone streaks across the screen and smacks him upside the head] Itai! 

Kaori: [off-camera] WHAT DID I SAY ABOUT POINTING OUT THE PLOT HOLES??!!! JUST GO WITH IT!!

Heero: Okay, okay! No need to get violent… [clears his throat] I think I already told Q that I refuse to crossdress.

Duo: Look you, we need to get into that battleship and rescue those ugly scientists and stop Silvermask. The only way to do that is disguise ourselves as the agents who are, unfortunately, female.

Wufei: Injustice.

Duo: I don't like it any more than you do buddy, but we don't have a choice. It's in the script.

Scene switch to the docking bay of The Evil Organization's battleship. Relena and a couple hundred minions are waiting for their agents to arrive. The shuttle lands and Heero, Wufei, and Duo step out wearing the leotards and skirts, (and sporting girly hairstyles) looking completely ridiculous. Relena doesn't seem to notice the change in the agents' appearance and glares at them.

Relena: What took you so long? My brother doesn't like to be kept waiting and you've set the schedule back forty-five minutes.

Duo: [falsetto] Sorry, traffic was terrible.

Relena: Hmph. Well hurry up and take that gizmo to the lab so that we can get on with our great plans to take over the Earth and space.

Wufei: [falsetto] Yes ma'am.

Duo, Wufei, and Heero: [run off]

Relena: [watches them go] Those girls could really use a makeover…

Scene 27. Interior. Hallway in the space shuttle belonging to The Evil Organization. – The three Interpol agents walk down the hallway trying to look feminine and failing. 

Heero: Can we just knock out some guys and get into something less…embarrassing. Besides, this leotard is starting to ride up my butt….

Wufei: Best idea I've heard all movie.

The three slip into a room. Sounds of a scuffle ensue and a few moments later, the guys walk out dressed in The Evil Organization's uniform (which are the same uniforms that the Marimeia Army wore).

Duo: Better now?

Heero: Yes, much.

Wufei: Let's get a move on, we look suspicious just standing in the hallway. 

Dorothy: [suddenly rounds the corner] You'd look suspicious no matter where you were. Haven't you lot ever heard of Facial Recognition Software? [guards are suddenly all over our heroes like white on rice and Dorothy relieves Heero of the gyroscopic thermonuclear coil] Take them to Silvermask!

Random Guard: [salutes] Ma'am!

Dorothy: [laughs like Kodachi Kuno]
    
    Heero, Duo, Wufei: [make a big show out of struggling]

**Scene 28. Interior. Ominous-looking room on the space battleship of The Evil Organization.** – Our heroes are tied up and hung over an obvious trap door. 

Dorothy and Relena: OH-HO-HO-HO-HO-HO!!!!

Zechs: Stop that insufferable laughing. It's not _that_ funny. [Dorothy and Relena stop impersonating Naga the Serpent] Well Agent Double O 1, you have certainly made my day. Not only have you delivered the very object I need to complete my scheme, but now I get to dispose of you. Do not worry, I shall remember you fondly…NOT!!

Wufei: Vile fiend! You shall never get away with it!

Zechs: On the contrary, Double O 5, I already have. For you see, as I speak, the scientists I kidnapped are installing the gyroscopic thermonuclear coil into my Death Cannon in which it shall serve as the main power source and stabilizer. Once the cannon is complete, I shall make my demands to Earth and the colonies: to turn over the world's supply of Coffe-Creme Oreos to me!

Duo: You monster!! Your evil plan will never succeed!

Zechs: I beg to differ Double O 2… Open the trap door!

The trap door below the boys opens up to reveal… 

???: Kuri!!!

a pit full off sugar-high kuriboh????

Heero, Duo, Wufei: What in the scary hell…

Zechs: As you can see, I have acquired a ridiculous amount of kuriboh and gotten them all high on Pixi Stix; they are quite buzzed. Ever so slowly you will be lowered into the pit. I'm sure you are well aware of what happens when a kuriboh hits an object with a different biological make-up than its own…

 Dorothy: Ka…boom.

Zechs: Quite right. Now I must leave you to your demise. Dorothy….

Dorothy: [nods and activates the winch] Ta ta gentlemen.

Silvermask, Dorothy, and the henchpeople leave. Our heroes struggle to free themselves from the shackles. The kuriboh find their movements to be quite amusing and jump around wildly.

Duo: I know this is the cliché ridiculously-slow-moving-James-Bondesque-Death-Trap and everything, but I have no clue how we're supposed to get out of this one alive.

Heero: I wouldn't worry about it too much. Something always pops up…

The door on the other side of the room opens revealing…

Relena: HEEEEEEEEEEEROOOOOOOOOOO!!!! I'VE COME TO RESCUE YOU SO YOU CAN KILL ME!!!!!!!

Heero, Wufei, Duo: [collective sweatdrop]

Heero: [to himself] Not quite what I had in mind but it'll do I guess…[to Relena] Quick! Get us down from here. There's a lever over there that deactivates the winch.

Relena: Have no fear love, you'll be free soon!

Wufei: Why do I have a bad feeling about this?

Duo: Because the director is a nut, and the producer is currently going ZERO on the costume crew.

Relena: [rushes over to the control console (which, due to the sadistic nature of the script writer, is full of nothing but levers)] Now which one of these was it again?

Heero: [as he and his comrades are getting dangerously close to the kuriboh] Hurry up and pull the lever!!!

Relena: [shrug]  Here goes something. [covers her eyes with one of her hands, reaches out, and pulls a lever]

Wufei, Duo, Heero: WRONG LEVER!!!!!

Two things happen at once: The restraints the boys were in come open and they drop towards the pit. Duo and Heero manage to grab the chains, but Wufei isn't so lucky and falls into the pit.

Duo: Wufei!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!

Wufei: INJUSTICE!!!  [is blown up]

Heero: [glares at Relena]

Heero and Duo swing over the pit to land near the console; their clothes are ruined. Duo waxes melodramatic.

Duo: [sniff] Wufei… I can't believe he's gone…

Wufei: [in the smoking pit] *cough* I'm not dead.

Duo: He was so young!!!

Wufei: [climbing out of the pit] I'm not dead.

Duo: Why did he have to die like that!!! [sobs onto Heero's shoulder]

Heero: [rolls his eyes]

Wufei: I'm not dead!

Relena: If you're going to stop my brother then you'd better get a move on! He's making his demands to the Earth's governments as we speak.

Heero: [nods and tries to pry a sobbing Duo off of him] Right. Let's go.

**Scene 29. Interior. Bridge of the Space Battleship of the Evil Organization.** – Zechs/Silvermask is making his demands via video cast.

Zechs: Ladies and gentlemen, I currently have my Death Cannon aimed at Taiwan. Unless you agree to my demands and surrender all the world's Coffee-Crème Oreos to me, it will become the first of many smoking holes in the ground. And if you were thinking of defying me, I have already disposed of your top secret agent and his two sidekicks. [much murmuring from the world leaders assembled in the U.N. building]

Zaphod Beeblebrox [as the President of the United States of America]: We will need time to consider this.

Zechs: Fine, you have one hour before I vaporize Taiwan. [cuts the connection] Aaah, I love it when a plan comes together.

Dorothy: Silvermask sir, Relena isn't at her post.

Zechs: [annoyed sigh] I need a tracking device for that girl…

Dorothy: Shall I send some henchmen to go look for her?

Zechs: I think it would be wiser if you went to look for her yourself. Besides, its part of the rules that the right-hand man/head henchperson has to go and look for trouble when the movie is coming to an end so that all the arch villain is left with is incompetent henchpeople to guard him.

Dorothy: Ah yes, I forgot. [leaves]

Zechs: [makes himself comfortable]

**Scene 30. Interior. Hallway in the Space Battleship of the….well you know.** – Heero, Duo, and Wufei are running through the hallway. They are now dressed in standard Bond-esque tuxedos. Relena is trailing far behind them insisting that Heero come and kill her.

Heero: We should split up. I'll go after Silvermask.

Wufei: Okay. I'll secure us a shuttle.

Duo: Then it's up to me to rescue the scientists. [cocks gun] Heero, make sure you get revenge for what those bastards did to Wufei.

Wufei: I'm not dead!!!!

Duo: Nobody blows up our buddy and gets away with it!

Wufei: I'm _not_ dead!!!

Heero: You did get blown up though.

Wufei: …well yeah.

Duo: Meet you in the shuttle hangar, Heero. [runs off down a corridor]

Wufei: I'd better get going too.

Heero: Good luck.

Wufei: Keep it. You need it more than I do.

Heero: [smirk]

Relena: HHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRROOOOOOOOO!!! COME BACK HERE AND KILL MEEEEEEEE!!!

Heero: All right, if you insist…. [whips out the flamethrower gun, turns around and barbecues Relena]

Relena: [smoking] …..ouch…..[drops to the floor in a charred heap]

Heero: Hn. [dashes off]

**Scene 31. Interior. Corridor.** – Duo is running frantically and shooting at random underlings as he goes. Eventually he comes to a door marked "la__atory." He kicks the door open.

Yamato: [on the toilet with a newspaper] HEY!!!!

Duo: Whoops!! Sorry dude! [shuts the door]

Random Underling: There he is!

Duo: Crap! [fires at them and runs down the corridor]

**Scene 32. Interior. Catwalk above the bridge.** – Heero is making his way across the catwalk. For no reason other than plot contrivance, he trips on a wrench. It falls due to the artificial gravity and smacks Vyers upside the head.

Vyers: Ouch! [rubs his head] Who dares to smack the Dark Adonis!!

Laharl: [off-camera] Hey, Mid-boss! That's not your line!!

Vyers: I AM NOT A MID-BOSS!!!! I AM VYERS!! THE DARK ADONIS!!!

Kaori: [off-camera] You _are_ a mid-boss! Get over it!! [pause] And stop ad-libbing!!!! At this rate, we're going to have to buy an entirely knew Fourth Wall!!!!

While all that was going on, the other henchpeople have their guns trained on Heero.

Zechs: You're supposed to be dead!

Heero: My boss will tell you that I rarely do what I'm supposed to. [does a graceful forward flip, whips out the flamethrower gun and fries the henchmen] It's just you and me now, Silvermask.

Zehcs: You forget Double O 1 that I have the whole world as my hostage. [takes out a remote control] You move an inch from that spot and I'll vaporize everything and everyone on Earth.

Heero: Crap…then I'll never get paid. [drops his gun]

Zechs: [triumphant smirk] Good….

**Scene 33. Interior. Hallway.** – Duo has located the scientists and is in the process of leading them to the shuttle bay.

Duo: Can't you run any faster?

Instructor H: Oh my bunions… My corns…

Doctor J: Ha! Old fart!

Professor G: Look who's talking.

Doktor S: Has anybody seen my arthritis medication?

Duo: Why me…

Dorothy: If you like, I can take them off of your hands…._permanently_.

_gunshot_.

Master O falls down dead.

Duo: You skank!! [shoots the gun out of Dorothy's hand]

Dorothy: Agh!!! You'll pay for that you piece of shit!!

Duo: Yo mama!!!

J, G, H, and S: Oooooooooh!

Carrot Glace: [comes down from the ceiling from a rope] Ladies and gentlemen, and it's time for The Dirty Dozens!!!

A boxing ring appears out of nowhere. Carrot stands in the center with Dorothy on his left and Duo on his right.

Carrot: I want a nice dirty fight. No physical blows. "Yo mama" insults only. Now shake hands and come out dissin'!

Dorothy and Duo shake hands, Doktor S rings a bell.

**Scene 34. Interior. Bridge.** – Zechs and Heero are staring each other down. Heero has his hands behind his head and Zechs is still holding the remote that controls the Death Cannon.

Zechs: How does it feel, Agent Double O 1? [slowly walks over to where Heero is standing] How does it feel to know that you are helpless to stop me? That all your efforts were for naught and that you will forever more be reduced to eating wanna-be Oreo products?

Heero: [glares at Zechs who is no standing right in front of him] I thought you only wanted the Coffee-Crème Oreos.

Zechs: Of course I do. But why just stop at that? Today, the Coffee-Crème Oreos; tomorrow, the Double Stuf. Soon, I shall be the sole consumer of all Nabisco products! [laughs evilly]

Heero takes this opportunity to grab the remote control from Zechs and smash it under his foot.

Zechs: You insolent whelp!!! [punches him]

Heero: [dodges and counters with a kick]

Zechs: [blocks the kick with his free hand]

The two glare heatedly at each other. Suddenly there's an explosion and the floor shakes. 

Wufei: [runs in the door] YUY!! Why are you in here playing around! Arrest Silvermask and let's get out of here! Maxwell and those damned scientists blew up the power generator and this whole battleship is going to go up in flames in five minutes!!

Silvermask: Arrest me? I think not! [runs towards a console and taps at a few keys. A man-sized capsule rises from the floor] You may have stopped me this time Agent Double O 1 but you will never take me alive!!! [gets inside the capsule and disappears into the floor]

Heero: Damn. There goes my bonus…

Wufei: Worry about your paycheck size later. Time to leave!

**Scene 35. Interior. Shuttle Bay.** – Duo is herding the scientists into the space shuttle as Heero and Duo come running in.

Duo: What the hell took you so long Yu….WUFEI YOU'RE ALIVE!!! [glomps Wufei]

Wufei: [Death Glare] Can we leave now?

Heero: Hai. Ninmu kanryou. [All three board the shuttle]

Scene switch to the interior of the shuttle.

J: Are we there yet?

Heero: No.

G: Are we there yet? 

Duo: No.

H: Are we there yet?

Wufei: No.

S: Are we there yet?

Heero, Duo, and Wufei: No!

J, G, S, and H: Are we there yet?

Heero, Duo, and Wufei: NO!

Camera slowly pans out of a porthole to show the shuttle flying towards Earth. Off to the right, we see Dorothy and Relena in spcesuits bickering amongst themselves.

**Ending credits.** –  Kaori is standing in the middle of a stage dressed in black khakis, black boots, a white tank top, black leather gloves, and a black cap. She holds a microphone in her left hand.

Kaori: [looks left, looks right] All right… Let's rock!!!!

The lights come up on the stage to reveal Wufei on drums, Quatre and his violin, Trowa on bass, Heero on electric guitar, and Duo standing next to Kaori with a microphone in his hand. The guys are dressed similarly to Kaori (with the exception that Trowa and Wufei are missing their shirts, Duo only has one glove on, and Heero is wearing a bandanna instead of a hat). Kaori goes to the left side of the stage and the music starts and the ending credits roll over the screen (which pretty much look like the opening credits).

Duo:  _Bending the circle of the aluminum can square_

_          I'm waiting for you at the street corner_

_          Although the liquid inside is too warm to drink_

_          I'm obliged to hold it_

Kaori: [dances]

Duo: _Remembering the melody of sorrowful city_
    
    _         I found a piece of puzzles_

_        When the signal turned blue and people start to move_

_         I take only a few steps and stand still as usual_

_        A puppet in the glass case_

_        Which reflects me in the darkness_

_        Keeps staring at me with his angry face_
    
    Instrumental break. Relena suddenly appears on stage and starts chasing Heero around for the rest of the song; which is made even more funny by the fact that Heero is _still_ playing his guitar while he runs.

Duo: [trying not to laugh]_ A paper cup of coffee that I drank up_

_         And the sound of people kicking the ground_

_         Make a ballad song_

         [looks at Quatre] _You know what I mean?_

Quatre: [shakes his head "no"]

Duo: _I'm alone in the night_

_        But I don't feel sad_

_        'cos the ending's still far away_

_        I'm just a little tired_
    
    _       The whistle I give is the bright noise_

_       That dedicated to the people around the world_

_       Can you hear this melody that no one knows?_

_       It's over_

_       Love me_

_       Love me_

_       Love me_

_       Love me_

_       Love me!_ (1)

[fade to black]

**_All breakage to the Fourth Wall will be paid for by the movie producer._**

Quatre: [pops up] WHAT?!!! KAORI!!!!!!! YOU LITTLE…..

1) Ending song, Yami no Matsuei. This is the English translation of course.


End file.
